As I sit down to write this post, I glimpse a hummingbird through my window. Eyes sharp but calm, it explores the world it finds itself in… but its wings remain still. A stillness not often attributed to the hurried, flighty nature of this beautiful creature.
Lately, life has been anything but still. A reflection of the hummingbird’s in motion. School, extracurriculars, tennis practice, and everyday trials have all elicited feelings of overwhelm and exhaustion. There is no end to the movement, no moments of stillness.
Let’s cut to the chase — September has been a hard month. And to be honest, blogging has added to the strain. This has led me to the decision to step away for a hiatus.
But before I give the length and logistics – let me give you some backstory.
Many factors have played into this decision. And I’ll try to describe them now.
The major reason for this spontaneous break is my identity. Over the past month, I’ve realized how much my worth is warped around my blog. Tied to my writing. And I see the dangers in that.
I’ve begun to blog more for the happiness I get when I see high stats, lots of comments, and new subscribers… than for the pure enjoyment of writing. This has led me down some dark and discouraging roads when I don’t attain these unrealistic goals.
Because of this issue, I’ve started to lose my joy for blogging. I have wrestled (and am wrestling) with the question many humans ask: “Who am I without (insert word)?” “What I am without (insert word)?” And that’s one of the reasons I’m taking a break. I need some time to disconnect from my blog and truly understand my identity as a child of God.
Secondly, I’m planning to change some things up around here. Mainly, THE CONTENT.
Over the past year, I’ve dabbled in a wide variety of topics: productivity, inspiration, book reviews, encouragement, world issues… A diverse mix. An overwhelming mix.
None of these categories seemed to “fit” with who I am. Even while blogging, I never really felt authentic. And I’ve come to realize the reason for this: I’ve been too busy trying to imitate others, follow the latest trends, produce popular content that would entice my audience…. that I’ve lost my voice. I’ve buried my heart and what I love under what I thought I should love.
Over time, blogging transformed from a creative outlet where I expressed my unique thoughts to a carbon copy of what I thought an “ideal blog” was. It’s become more of an obligation to my subscribers than a joy. A way to keep people from forgetting me… a way to feel significant.
This has a lot to do with my personality as a four. Being significant is — to us.
But so is being authentic. And, dear reader, I long to be authentic.
After processing through this, I’ve decided to change some things up to free myself. The primary thing I’m altering is my content.
Instead of adding to the internet noise, I want my blog to be a haven of hope… an escape from the chaos of this world. I want it to be a place where you can find resources to fill your soul with beauty, nurture your hearts, and enrich your mind. Because those are the things I’m passionate about. I want to dive deeper into literature, explore forms of art, share my philosophical musings, admire beauty… I don’t want to be bound by the shallow waters of hyped content and ideal lifestyles. In summary, I want to go deeper. And that starts with some time away to reflect and write as if nobody’s watching. Write from the heart.
I may also change the theme and aesthetics of this blog… Everything’s up in the air with this, but you may see an alteration in the design. (;
These are the blog aspects I’ll be working on while I’m away. And since I haven’t mention the time frame yet…
I will take a break during the month of October, and should hopefully return sometime in November.
However — you will still be hearing from me. Thanks to the amazing feedback I received, I’m working on personalizing my email list! And to start it off — I will now be sending a monthly/bimonthly newsletter filled with ponderings, highlights, current reads, and all other sorts of rich content! The first letter will be coming out at the end of this month, so make sure you’re signed up for that! And if you know of anyone who’d be interested in my blog & newsletter — please share! Thank you in advance, dear readers.
>> SIGN UP HERE! <<
During my hiatus, I aspire to be like that hummingbird. Eyes sharpened for beauty, heart beating slow, wings open to the future… but most importantly — still. I want to pass through a period of stillness so I’m ready to fly into the next season with a new song.
I can’t wait to see what God has in store.